A Bag of Crackers
by Acerbitas
Summary: Neji has changed, and Hinata worries about her strained relationship with both him and her father. She wonders why Neji won't play with her anymore, and tries to find a way to show she still cares. NejixHinata light fluff


**Author's Note: I do have a larger vocabulary then this, lol! I thought itwas a good ideato use this level of wording because I'm writing first person present tensein the eyes ofa small child. This is my first time writing in a kids perspective so please tell me ways I can improve! Thanks!**

**A Bag of Crackers**

"Neji-nii-san…" I stutter, eyes widening with uncertainty as my cousin stares at the ground, fist shaking with rage. "Nii-san…" The words barely touch the wind.

My breath quickens. The promise of conflict brings my knees quivering together with anticipation. I'm scared! I'm so _scared!_ Why, nii-san?

Over the last few months, Neji has changed. He had left for awhile, after his father died, but he had returned even angrier then when he had left. He is taller now, taller then me. But that's not the only difference. He's so mean and angry all the time. Whenever I want to play with him, he just stomps off. He won't smile at me anymore. Nii-san? Did I do something horribly wrong?

I want to run from this new Neji; I don't know what he wants, or what I'm supposed to say. I have a sympathy that can't be expressed by my clumsy speech, a sympathy that I try to explain with silent favors. I have a useless sympathy. It's failing him.

"Hinata-sama…" He tries to look into my eyes, but I hide them from his sight, afraid of him, afraid of the way his voice is trembling. He is cold. So very cold and far away. I can't see Neji anymore. Neji is gone. "I…I…"

I don't register his movements. Grasping my collar, he jerks me towards him, and I can't tell if he is in control of himself. I clutch his arms, squirming even though I know he won't let go. My short-lived playmate's angry eyes are what's the most wrong about him now. They used to be brighter. Before he would sit and muse with me calmly, about the grass, about the trees. About how he wanted to protect me. His eyes would shine with quiet adoration. The eyes of the muse are gone.

"It's all your fault, Hinata-sama!" His breathe heats my face. "It's all your fault! If you hadn't…if you hadn't… It's destiny. It's destiny! The main house gets everything! Everything! I…I…"

"I'm…sorry!" I whisper, terror setting my heart pounding. I know it _is_ my fault, even though I don't understand. It had something to do with that night. The night the man that had taken me had died, blood dripping from his open mouth. My father's face had become glum and pinched over following weeks: he stiffened and became frozen. Neji went somewhere I couldn't follow. They had had my uncle's ceremony without his body. The adults had loomed over us, staring, staring. Staring at Neji. They had been so solemn, and Neji's eyes had been so blank.

They are his enemies now, but he is so small.

I had clutched his shirt when they all filed away, but he had ignored me, folding shaking arms around his chest. He was hugging himself because there was no longer anybody else to hug him. I wanted to help him then, but I didn't know how. I should have tried anyway.

His eyes gaze into mine, veins pumping around the edges. I watch them pulse, unable to tear myself away. I beg him wordlessly not to look inside of me; I don't know why he is doing this. I used to understand him. I used to be able to smile when he smiled.

"You're scared of me, Hinata-sama," he whispers. I think he likes the power rolling off his tongue.

I squirm harder, shutting my eyes and hunching my shoulders against his unexplained wrath.

"They all…they all…I…no…!" He releases me…backing away, fingers running over his scarred forehead. "You're going to hurt me just like they did my dad! Just like my dad!"

I shiver. "I'm not…I don't know…niisan…"

"You would do it if you could," he mutters fiercely. "You would do it if you could."

I run, fleeing this alien being for the safety of my room. The room that had become my crying place. Whenever my father was disappointed in me, I would curl up there, and sob softly, so nobody would hear me. What's going on? I don't know why he is so angry with me. I just want us to be friends again!

I want everything to be alright. I want to go back to the time when we were happy together.

I want my father to smile at me when he sees me again. I want him to give me presents and toys, like he always did before. I want him to…because that's been the only way I've known he cares.

I guess he doesn't care anymore. I guess Neji doesn't care either. That thought makes my chest get tight and hot. It feels like physical pain, but it's not.

I huddle in my dark corner and clutch Boki to my chest. Boki is dirty and ragged, but Boki is the best. He is the last present my father ever gave to me.

Panic clutches my chest in a vice. My fingers kneed my shirt. Why is everything falling apart?

I want Neji eyes to light up, and I want him to point to the sky and say: "Look! It's a cardinal, Hinata-sama!" He really likes birds. I want him to talk about the birds with me.

There are so many things that I want!

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and every hideous thing that's happened will have been a bad dream. I'll wake up and I'll be a great ninja. A proud Hyuuga. My dad will smile at me and say: "You've done well today." Neji will talk about the birds, and giggle.

But I know it won't happen. Tears fade into Boki's soft fur. I'm good at crying quietly. I'm good at crying inside, so nobody can see. I don't want anybody to see. I don't know why, but nobody can see.

Two days ago I saw Neji training in the forest. I had wanted to talk to him, but I had been scared and hadn't known what to say. He had looked so intense. I think he is trying to figure out how to do those moves that dad doesn't want him to learn.

But I'm not going to tell dad. I don't want either of them to get even angrier with me! I hate it when people get angry: it terrifies me. The way they scream and rant makes me want to shield and protect myself. Or just fade into the ground. Angry people are worse then getting beat up by the mean kids in town. Much worse. They make me feel horrible and worthless. I just wish everybody could be happy together. Why can't they just get along?

I squeeze Boki tighter, burying my face in his plushy body.

There is something very wrong with my family. I can feel it, deep inside. It's a large, bleeding wound, and it's hurting everybody, but they just keep it all inside them. It's like when you attack someone with that jutsu I can't master. The people look okay on the outside, but on the inside their heart has been punctured and they are dying. My dad is feeling horrible and rotten inside, but he just keeps it in, and glares at everybody instead. There is something, I think, that everybody knows and won't say.

But I'm the same. I don't want to talk about it either. It's frightening, to talk about such things. I don't want to cause conflict, because that will be dreadful, but somehow the wound just keeps on getting worse.

I wonder how long it's been here.

Boki is really wet. I rub my hands over my eyes, knowing they are red and that I must wait here awhile longer so nobody will know. So I can hide my pain too, like everybody else. It that all we're ever going to do? I think Neji cries sometimes too, but he won't let people know it. I wonder if he thinks I cry.

I wonder if my dad has ever cried.

If Boki was real, I'd have a friend. It would be really amazing to have someone to talk to, someone who likes you and cares about you. Someone who will cry with you.

Neji used to be my friend, before he went away. I try to talk to some of the kids at school, but they just laugh at me. I don't know how to talk like they do. Everything comes out wrong and I stutter. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I do the things my family and my father want me to do? Why am I so useless?

I don't know why. I just wish that I wasn't me.

I wish I could make somebody happy. I wish I could show somebody I cared.

None of the things I wish for come true. Why?

I really want to please everyone around me. I think…that's what I want to do the most. Maybe if I make them happy, I'll be happy too.

Neji needs to feel happy right now. I don't think he's been feeling good for a really long time. He feels his chest explode with rage. But behind it all, I think he's lost and scared, just like me.

The next day I take some crackers and cheese from the kitchen and tie them up in a cloth with swirling patterns all over it. It looks nice but homely. Like something a mom would give a child when he went out. Something that would happen in a happy family.

I despise this feeling of not being loved. I don't think Neji likes it either. My father won't look at me, but Neji's father is dead. We both are hurt by the wound that's inside everyone. In that way too, we are the same.

He needs to feel like somebody cares, because I know how painful it feels when you think you're all alone in the world. To be all caged in, with everybody glaring at you, disapproving and critical.

I go to where he always trains and watch him, smiling softly as he repeatedly attacks a tree. I'm worried he's going to turn on his Byakugen, and notice I'm here, but he doesn't. When he leaves to wash himself in the stream, I put my present underneath the tree. It looks so peaceful, sitting there waiting for him to find it.

I go back home, and wonder if he ate the crackers. I can see his face when he finds them. It's a funny face.

I hope it makes him think somebody is still there, caring about him, because I think that's one of the most important things to feel.

What I hope the very most, though, is that he knew it was me.


End file.
